How did I get here?

13 Jan

I found myself in a mild disagreement with my parents yesterday, the opposing sides of which were A. Life is about love and following your passion. Plans have to take a backseat or be abandoned when in conflict with love. B. There are certain things that need to happen in their proper order. Love is all well and good, when you can make it work with the plans you have already made.

Given that I am the 24 year old and my parents are paying for my never ending education, you would assume I was taking position A. and you would be wrong. Once I left my parents’ house and realized what had just happened I was ashamed. How did I get here? How did I get to a place where I valued my carefully laid plans above all else? For the majority of my life I secretly wrote poetry, dyed my hair every color under the sun, fancied myself an artist and decided I would go wherever the wind would take me. When did I decide I was going to fill out a 5 year plan chart and start wearing button up shirts? I can’t tell you when it happened but I know that along with it came a debilitating anxiety situation that makes me painfully uncomfortable in social situations I don’t have control over.

No more. 2011 is the year for me to take less control over my life. To take my parents’ advice, and allow the best laid plans to be ruined for something greater. I will continue to attend school, go to work and do what is required of me, but at the end of the day I’m choosing a life that’s bigger. I’m going to make more mistakes in 2011. I’m going to do things that make me uncomfortable and I’m going to secretly write poetry in my bedroom. For 2011 I’m going to be a free spirit again. I will fancy myself an artist.

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3 Responses to “How did I get here?”

  1. Erin January 13, 2011 at 3:38 am #

    This post gives me so much hope. I’m going through a similar situation as 2011 rolls in. I don’t feel like myself anymore and I just really feel lost in a hole. I graduated college in May and I still don’t have a grown up job but instead of enjoying my free time, I laze around and wish I would grow up. WHY?? I need to mentally shake myself to do exactly what you describe – have more fun, make more mistakes, enjoy being 22! Thank you for voicing a whisper that I didn’t even know was in the back of my mind.

  2. Dainon January 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    I applaud this.

  3. MotherTheresa January 18, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    Go for it? My biggest fear in life is missing out on something.

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